


Dukexiety's Date Night Highs

by Hamiltalian



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chaos, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Crossdressing, Dress Up, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Humor, M/M, Makeup, Marijuana, Nonbinary Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Wendy's Date, pot brownies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25844038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamiltalian/pseuds/Hamiltalian
Summary: Remus and Virgil's ideal date nights are when they just get high and see where the night takes them
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 72





	Dukexiety's Date Night Highs

One of the biggest parts of college life was adaptation. It was about adapting to the new settings, the new towns and the new dorms or apartments. It was about adapting to eating cheaper, filling foods like rice and potatoes. And, if you were anything like Remus, it involved learning how to not get caught smoking in his apartment. All of his fire alarms were shut off and he made sure everything that could absorb the smell was out of the way before just laying in the middle of the floor and getting high. If his neighbors were bothered by the smell, that was their problem. 

He would’ve said it was his boyfriend’s problem, but Virgil was pretty used to it by then. In fact, Virgil joined him most nights. 

“It must be Friday,” he said as he walked in. “How long have you been smoking? I could smell it from outside of the door.” 

Remus shrugged and counted his fingers before giving up. “A while, I don’t know. Time is a social construct...” 

Virgil just sighed and put down his bag before sitting down beside him, holding out his hand expectantly and muttering a quick thank you as Remus handed him a bag of edibles. Virgil hated how smoking felt and tasted, he preferred to eat a few of Logan’s amazing pot brownies and let them work their magic. 

“Can I have one?” 

“You’re already smoking, you don’t need one,” Virgil said, shrugging before eating one of the brownies. 

Remus nodded and shut his eyes. “I see. You don’t appreciate my grabbing your pot brownies from Janus. Remus will remember that later.” 

“Judging by the fact that he’s talking in third person, Remus won’t.” Virgil ate another brownie before getting on his phone and scrolling through social media, waiting to feel the relaxation kick in. 

Remus reached over and grabbed Virgil’s hand, staring intently before tugging on his boyfriend’s sleeve to get his attention. 

“What’s up?” 

“We’re going to get married. And we’re going to have six children, all girls named after the wives of Henry VIII.” 

“Remus, it’s pronounced ‘Henry the Eighth’, not ‘Henry V I I I’.” 

Remus shushed him before continuing to “read his palm.” “We’re going to live a short, but very adventurous life together and we’re going to die in a fiery explosion at a volcano, after running away from the law together.” 

“Okay. That’s... interesting.” The most interesting part was the way the story changed very time Remus got high. Last week, they were married with a single son, living for years and breaking the world record for longest human lives recorded. Remus said that Virgil would outlive him, but only out of spite and would die exactly five months and twenty seven days later, making his life one day longer than Remus’s. The week before that, they died together after the best date ever, something that Remus had to work very hard to get out of Virgil’s mind the next day. 

Remus nodded. “It’s going to be great, don’t worry. I’ll make sure our crimes are legendary.”

Considering the fact that Remus went around and took down their fire alarms every Friday evening just to smoke weed when Logan made killer pot brownies, Virgil didn’t doubt it. “You know I trust you.” 

Remus grinned and shut his eyes, stretching out on the ground and laying on his stomach like a cat in sunlight, putting out his joint for the time being. 

Virgil scrolled through his phone for about another half hour before starting to wonder something. “So, like... Gender.” 

“Ew.” 

“You just said fuck it and just stopped, right?” 

Remus nodded and rolled onto his back. “Yeah, gender is a social construct and I chose to ignore it.” 

“Woah...” Virgil laid down and thought about it for a minute. “So, like... What does it feel like to be that elite?” 

“First of all, you are elite. You think any random person could stay this unnecessarily angsty and still be a Disney stan at the age of 22? Spider bite, you are destroying social constructs everyday.” 

Virgil closed his eyes for a second before looking over at Remus. “Why do you call me that?” 

“What?” 

“Spider bite? Like, I’ve got the piercings, but what if I just started calling you... I don’t know, ‘Septum ring’ like that would be weird, right?” 

Remus burst into laughter, Virgil watching on in confusion. 

“What?” 

“Bitch, I’m talking about literal spiders biting! You’re like a spider and you’re feisty, so you bite! Spider bite!” 

Virgil went silent for a second and stared at the ceiling before closing his eyes, nodding a bit. “I see.” 

Remus giggled and leaned over, kissing Virgil through his laughter before laying down, letting his head rest on Virgil’s chest. “You’re so adorable when you’re stupid.” 

“By that logic, I can see why you think you’re so beautiful.” 

“Hey, I’m smoking hot, don’t even argue with me.” 

“I mean, by my standards, sure.” 

Remus tutted and shut his eyes. “I’m not feeling the love in this Chili’s tonight...” 

“Well, that’s just too fucking bad, I guess,” Virgil shrugged, resting a hand on top of Remus’s hair. 

Remus pouted and turned a a bit so Virgil’s hand was on his face, kissing one of his fingers. 

“Gross.” 

Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed his own phone, pulling up Netflix and starting a movie that was fit for their date night. 

“I swear to god, Remus, we are not watching fucking Bee Movie again.” 

“Fine! We can listen to some music, then.” 

Virgil sighed, knowing exactly what Remus was going to play, but not wanting to argue too hard against it. 

“Don’t sigh at me, Caramelldansen fucking slaps.” 

“I’m not sighing at the song, I’m sighing at you.” 

“Oh. Carry on, then.” Remus started up his playlist of “Cursed Songs To Listen to While High” before sitting up. “Alright, it’s that part of the night, I’m getting my makeup.” 

“Shhh. The Caramella Girls are singing.” 

Remus nodded and walked out, coming back with an armful of palettes and their makeup bags. He sat back down with Virgil and pulled him to sit up, going through his makeup bag. “Alright, how ghostly do you want to look tonight? We’ve got your untanned pasty skin, we’ve got literally the color of fucking printer paper, and then we have your actual foundation shade, which, looking at you, is not much different.” 

Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed a few makeup wipes, cleaning his face. “That’s not fair, you’re literally only making those jokes because you know I can’t make them back.” 

“Which makes them about five times funnier for me, yes.” 

“Do whatever, I guess, just don’t make me look like a clown.” 

“Yeah, yeah, sit and hold still.” Remus moisturized and primed his boyfriend’s face before applying his foundation, stopping as he heard what song Virgil had put on his playlist. “I swear to god, ‘Killing Me Softly With His Song’ is an absolute fucking banger and the fact that you put it in the meme playlist is so fucking homophobic.” 

Virgil tried not to grin, knowing it would give Remus an excuse - albeit, a terrible excuse - to mess up his makeup. “Tell that to the weebs. I’m just saying what they say and enjoying your reaction.” 

Remus sighed dramatically and skipped the song before getting back to Virgil’s makeup, humming along as Numa Numa started. “Now this? This is a meme song.” He took a break before getting to Virgil’s concealer, stealing a pot brownie and downing it before Virgil could notice, seeing as his eyes were still closed. 

“I swear to god, if you’re stealing one of my brownies-” 

“Yeah yeah, you threaten me every time, shut up and let me finish your makeup.” 

Virgil groaned, but let it go. “Fine.” He stayed still the rest of the time that Remus dolled him up, only moving to follow Remus’s few vague instructions. 

“And... Done!” Remus proudly put down his last lipstick. “Aw, you look beautiful.” 

Virgil opened his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, letting his bangs fall back into his face. “Where’s my mirror?” 

“Nah, you should wait until after you’re done with mine to see. That way...” Remus trailed off and vaguely motioned his hands, trying to find his words. “So you’re not trying to compete. You do that and stress over what you do. You stress over a lot.” 

“I’m too high to worry about how pretty I make you, nobody could ruin your face, even a complete and utter failure like myself,” he said as he looked around for a mirror, though he hardly meant it, he just knew it bothered Remus. 

Remus whined and wrapped his arms around Virgil, pulling him into a hug. “You’re too fucking perfect to talk shit about yourself. Just talk shit about me or literally anyone else, you’re good at it.” 

Virgil patted the top of his head, not wanting to mess up his lipstick, and pushed him away. “It was a joke, man, don’t worry about it. Now, let me do your makeup since you hid the mirrors in the astral plane, apparently.” 

Remus sat back down with his legs crossed and eyes shut, letting Virgil apply his makeup. 

Virgil got all the way to concealer before having another mini existential crisis, stopping what he was doing to stare at the tube of makeup in his hands. “Why the fuck is it still called concealer? Like... So many people use it for not concealing and it’s not like your face has anything to conceal, your skin is... Surprisingly perfect?” 

It was absolutely not surprising, Virgil was just a touch too far gone to remember that Remus did have a vigorous skin care routine that he adhered to. He’d started it in high school in a feeble attempt to fit in with his brother’s friends and he kept it even as he realized that not giving two shits what everyone thought about him made him so much happier. Clean, healthy skin was just too great of a feeling to give up. “If you’re doing it right, you’re concealing the fact that I’m a human being.” 

Virgil looked up and stared vaguely in the distance, the stupid look on his face contrasting greatly with the vampire prince makeup look that Remus gave him. “Just like you already do everyday...” 

Remus nodded. “I want to look like the question ‘What’s in your pants?’ like I don’t want a gender. I don’t want that, I don’t want a sexual identity, I don’t want to be perceived. I don’t want an identity, but getting rid of that means either living off the grid, which sounds fucking boring, or going to jail and I don’t want to go to jail. I’m too pretty to go, I know I’d have to kill someone to balance that out and I don’t want to deal with those repercussions.” 

Virgil shrugged. “I doubt that. Maybe everyone would be too scared to approach you.” 

“Fellow murderers would not be afraid to approach me.” 

“I don’t know... Everyone else is, when you dress right. Like, I’ve seen Kyles holding each other back from approaching you because they’re afraid of what you might do and you know Kyles don’t care about their own personal safety, they just care about making everyone else uncomfortable.” 

Remus moaned a bit. “Stop that, Virgil, you know the fact that I scare morons makes my dick jump.” 

“Cool, I’m never bringing that up again. Now, hold still, let me try to erase your humanity.” 

Remus nodded and sat still as Virgil kept doing his makeup. 

Virgil made sure to absolutely obscure Remus’s entire face shape and make his new features perfectly asymmetrical, just off enough to be questionable. Of course, he also added in a ton of Remus’s signature green, using the shimmeriest shade they had as his highlighter. “You look like either an alien or like you just don’t care and, either way, I feel like it works for you.” 

Remus pulled out a mirror from under his shirt and looked at himself, tutting. “Jesus fuck, why can’t I just look like this? Why do I need to be human, why can’t I just go around looking like a vaguely dead alien?” 

“Truly one of the greatest tragedies in history.” 

Remus nodded and passed Virgil a mirror, letting him admire his reflection. 

Perfectly blended red and black lipstick, deathly looking contouring, eye makeup that looked like a literal vampire blessed it. Yeah, he was pretty happy with that. 

“You know what we have to do now, right?” Remus asked. 

Virgil gave him a questioning look. 

“We have to get dressed up and go get something to eat. Let’s get Taco Bell.” 

“That is the best idea you’ve had all night.” 

“And we can pick each other’s outfits!” 

“And you’ve just ruined it.” Virgil sighed and got up. “Alright, but you know me, hop off of your clown shit.” 

Remus got up and kissed his cheek. “No clowns here, just a prince of the night and his otherworldly boyfriend.” He pulled Virgil towards their room and started rummaging through Virgil’s half of the closet, secretively picking out different pieces of clothing. 

Virgil was a little less sneaky about it, picking out an extravagant outfit for Remus. He finished choosing first, sitting on their bed with his completed outfit sitting beside him until Remus finished. 

“Alright, change!” Remus threw a ball of clothes at him before stripping down and changing into the outfit Virgil picked out for him. He pulled on the dark green button up and his giant, black ballgown skirt before stepping into his neon green giant stripper heels. 

“You legally should’ve never been able to buy those just to wear around.” 

“Hey, you picked them out, not me,” Remus said as he slipped on the final piece of the outfit Virgil picked for him, a black corset with shimmery green embroidery decorating it. 

Virgil glanced back at him and blushed before turning back around. He may have picked out the piece, but it was probably his favorite thing to see Remus in. “I said what I said.” 

Remus snickered, hearing how hard Virgil was working at keeping his voice steady. “Don’t put me in things that turn you on if you’re not ready to go out with a boner, Virgil, I thought you knew that already.” 

“Shut up,” Virgil muttered, grabbing the finishing piece to his own outfit, a floor length black cape with a purple interior. “We’re not going to Taco Bell if you want me in this cape, I am not letting it drag on their floor.” 

“Then wear taller boots. I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“I mean, outfits this nice do deserve something a little better than Taco Bell.” 

Remus looked at him, surprised by what he was suggesting. “Oh, you’re trying to get us to dine like royalty tonight.” 

Virgil nodded. “You know exactly what I”m thinking.” 

The two of them went down to their car and got in, Remus somehow managing to drive them in his giant skirt and hazardously tall heels, pulling up to the Wendy’s parking lot. 

“I’m getting a Frosty,” Virgil announced as he got out of the car, going around to help Remus out before walking inside with him. 

The employees were unfazed by the sight, it wasn’t the first time that the two of them came in dressed up like they were taking part in a gothic Met Gala. It wasn’t even one of the first ten times. 

The other customers in the restaurant might have stared, but neither of them cared enough to notice, simply ordering their food before sitting down together in a corner. 

“We have the most elite date nights,” Remus hummed as he ate his chicken nuggets. 

“Does it count as a date night if we didn’t plan on coming here and are still kind of high?” 

Remus scoffed and put a hand on his chest in feigned offense. “Of course it counts. We’re out, we’re enjoying time together, and we both look our best doing so.” 

Virgil hummed in thought before stuffing a few fries in his mouth and nodding. “Very true.” 

Their dates were always weird, anyways. Between Virgil’s willingness to beat anybody up who said anything to them and Remus’s very existence striking fear into the hearts of anybody who would judge them, anything between them could be a date night. After all, if they could go and be bros, why not end the night with being hoes? 


End file.
